A Lover Gone
by SupernaturalWhoLocked
Summary: Killian died in the Heroes and Villains book, which means he's dead in the Land without Magic Emma finds outs and is devastated beyond words because she could never tell him, Killian how she felt for him. How she loved him beyond her vocabulary. How does Emma take the surprise he left her? Canon compliant up to the end of Season 4 No Dark Swan Captain Swan Angst and Charming Family


Chapter One: A Lover Gone

 **Author's Note: Thanks for clicking this story! It's a one-shot but it doesn't have to be! :) Please leave a constructive review, favourite and follow! And just read ahead!**

 _ **Summary: Killian died in the Heroes and Villains book, which means he's dead in the Land without Magic. Emma finds outs and is devastated beyond words because she could never tell him, Killian Jones, how she felt for him. How she loved him beyond her vocabulary. Canon compliant up to the end of Season 4 No Dark Swan Captain Swan Angst and Charming Family feels.**_

 _ **Pairings: Captain Swan, Snowing, Outlaw Queen, Rumbelle (not much)**_

 _ **Brotps: Charming- Jones- French/Gold- Mills Hooked Queen (friendship) Swan Queen (friendship) Captain Charming Hood (friendship) Captain Charming (friendship) Captain Hood (friendship) Captain Cobra, Belle x Killian (friendship) :)**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own OUAT as much as I wish I did so all rights to Adam and Eddie! :)**_

***OUAT***

'Where is he?' Emma asked, looking around. She found her parents in a hug and Henry's bag on the floor. 'Where is- Hook?'

'He was there,' David said, pointing to Henry's bag, 'right before we got dragged away.'

'Everyone reappeared where they were right before this whole mess started,' Emma said, walking forward. She could feel her heart breaking at the thought. 'No.'

Tears filled her eyes as she came to the conclusion. Killian Jones, her boyfriend, her companion, her _friend_ , was dead. There wasn't going to be any more dates, there wasn't going to be any roses. There wasn't going to be more leather or any man in guy-liner, because he had died. She was never going to be able to tell Killian that she did love him. That she loved the smile, the sacrifices, and the personality that made him. She was never going to tell him that.

'Emma,' Mary Margaret said, holding her shoulder. Emma felt her emotions conflicting. The old her, would have run by now. Left Storybrooke and forget this life and everything it had given her. But Emma had changed since she had first arrived in Storybrooke. She wasn't going to run but she wasn't about to stay in the apartment.

'I never told him I loved him,' Emma said quietly. She broke. Her tears came and she ran away from the apartment, and she could hear her parents arguing about who should comfort her in her grief. But she kept running and she was even aware that she was at the docks until she smelt the ocean.

Why did he die? After everything that he had been through, that _they had been through_ , he was killed in an alternative universe. Wasn't his death fake? Why wasn't he there? With her? So that she _could_ tell him that she did love him. That she returned the feelings he had for her. That she didn't want to lose her happy ending.

But she had now lost part of it.

'Emma?' Emma turned around and saw Killian standing there. She stood up slowly and he walked over to her.

'Are- are you alive?' Emma asked quietly.

'I'm so sorry, Emma,' Killian said softly, 'I- I –had to tell you something.'

'I love you,' Emma said, 'I love you and- and I'm sorry I never told you why you were alive.'

'But I knew you did Emma,' Killian smiled, and Emma.'

'Yes?' Emma asked.

'You are my happy ending,' Killian said, 'and I'm glad I died to save you and your family.'

Emma watched as he slowly walked backwards and she ran up to him.

'Don't leave me,' Emma begged, 'I love you!'

'I love you too, Swan,' Killian smiled, 'but I'm not leaving you. The ones you love never really leave you. Don't miss me too much. Live your life Emma. You have your family. Your parents, your brother, your son and I think you'll find you'll have more surprises in the future.'

Killian reached his hand out for hers and she reached out for him but her hand went through his. He smiled and Emma's eyes filled with more tears as he vanished in a wisp of white smoke.

'Killian?' Emma yelled out, turning around. 'Killian? Killian! No, no, no! Killian!'

'Emma,' a familiar voice said. Emma turned around and was facing her parents. Neal wasn't with them so they must have dropped him off with Ruby.

'I lost him,' Emma said and her parents hugged her and she finally cried fully for him. How could she live without the man that helped her get her to this place? He was the reason why she knew her parents, her brother and her friends. He was the reason why she hadn't become dark for Gold and the Author's plans. He was her light, as much as she was his and now her light had gone, leaving her in a void of darkness.

What did he mean by she would find more surprises in the future? Did it mean that he could see something that had yet to pass?

'I'm so sorry, Emma,' Mary Margaret said, 'you should never have to go through this.'

'I love him,' Emma said, 'and now- now we can't have that future.'

Little did she know that her future did include Killian Jones, but not in the way she expected.

***OUAT***

 **One Year Later**

Emma Swan was holding her daughter, Katrina Mary Swan-Jones who was a month old. She was standing on the Jolly Rodger, with her parents, year old brother, Henry, Regina, Robin, Roland, Matilda (Robin and Zelena's child), and Regina and Robin's adopted daughter, Remora. Even Belle and her daughter Colette were there. Emma refused to have Gold there since he was the reason they were even doing this.

Emma's throat constricted even more as they stood in silence for him. For her boyfriend. It cut her to the bone. They should be laughing at Granny's, having drinks and being a family, not standing here on the side of the Jolly Rodger, having rum and mourning. Killian should be here, not just in spirit and he should be helping her making memories with Katrina.

'Why are we doing this?' Regina asked suddenly.

'Regina,' Mary Margaret said, looking at Emma then Regina.

'This isn't what H- Killian would want for you Emma. For any of us. He'd want you to celebrate his memory. To celebrate the good that made your daughter. We need to go back to my place, get the rum and share memories of him.' Regina said.

Emma bit her lip and looked down at her daughter. She had Killian's blue eyes that always pained her to look at for they always reminded her of the love she lost but today they didn't. It reminded her that Regina was right. That Killian wouldn't want this.

'Done,' Emma said, blinking her tears away, 'let's go and celebrate Killian.'

Regina smiled at them and they were all transported by her using magic. They were in her back yard and Emma and the rest of them sat in the chairs as Regina and Robin went to go the rum and glasses. Emma was staring at her brother who was looking at her.

'Em!' Neal said, grinning. 'Em! Em!'

'Hey, little man,' Emma smiled. Neal grinned even more and squirmed off of Mary Margaret's lap and she eventually set him down. Neal walked over to her and she helped him up on to her lap. Neal hugged her and Emma hugged him back, careful not to squash Katrina.

'Kat,' Neal said pointing to Katrina.

'This is your niece,' Emma smiled. Robin and Regina came back and Matilda, Roland and Remora had been put down for a nap. Emma stood up with Neal and Katrina and went to put them to bed Colette was fast asleep as well when she saw him. Gold. She turned to face him and he was standing there.

'Get out,' Emma said coldly, 'how dare you come talk to me on this day!'

'I wanted to apologise,' Gold said.

'Why?' Emma asked. 'Probably to get me even more vulnerable then I am and then kill my daughter but that's not going to happen.'

'No actually,' Gold said, 'for killing your- well lover- -boyfriend, whichever one you wanted to call him.'

'Just leave,' Emma said, 'I won't ever accept your apology, Gold. I was heartbroken- I still am. My daughter will ask questions about her father and I'll have to tell her that you and the Author killed her father because you're both selfish and didn't think about the consequences.'

'A child should never be without a father,' Gold said, 'or mother. Or their family. I know how that feels, Bae knew how that felt and now your daughter does. Henry does. I- I wanted power, and I never did think of the consequences of my actions because I am selfish.'

'Leave please,' Emma said, 'I- I can't forgive you for what you did to Killian and I- my family- have to live with that choice you made to kill him off in your little book.'

Gold merely nodded and vanished in a puff of smoke. Emma put Katrina down and watched as she and Neal fell asleep. She went outside and now it was Mary Margaret, David, Regina, Robin, Belle, Henry and herself. The rum was on the table and she took the rum and poured them all a glass expect Henry, who was drinking soft drink.

She grabbed her glass and they grabbed theirs.

'To Killian,' they all said and clinked glasses. Emma drank her rum all in one go and she put it down.

'Killian is- was- my friend,' Belle said, 'when it was in those six weeks, we become good friends. I learnt quite a bit about him. He hated modern technology and he hated it when I used the internet, or as he called it "that infernal box" because he didn't trust this world. He like the food here. He'd order the weirdest things. He once ordered a meat lovers pizza with chocolate syrup and he ate the whole thing.'

They all laughed and Robin spoke up next.

'Killian Jones was a brother,' Robin said, 'we use to drink at the Rabbit Hole with David sometimes after the day had gone past. It didn't matter that there was a villain, we needed to have a cool down, and we would laugh and make fun of the excessive amount of guy-liner he wore. He helped me come up with the decisions I couldn't make and I couldn't thank him more, because he helped me get Regina.'

Emma smiled at Robin. She never really knew what Killian spoke about with the boys and now she knew some of it and it made her feel proud of Killian. He helped people.

'Killian was a pirate,' David said, 'and I thought he was like them all and it wasn't until we were in Neverland and I was dying of Dreamshade, that I finally realised that he wasn't this pirate who was there for his own selfish reasons. He was a great man and I couldn't- and I can't- thank him enough for what he's done for my family. He's the reason why we're all here now. He's the reason why I have my granddaughter. So thank you Killian. For my family and for saving me in Neverland when you didn't have to.'

Emma smiled at her father while the tears threatened to spill.

'He was a man of many words,' Mary Margaret smiled, 'I remember when I first met him in the Enchanted Forest. A man of many- and I mean many- inappropriate innuendos. He still was actually.' They all laughed. 'He was a good man. He was at first selfish but he isn't in the end. He made my daughter happy. He convinced her to stay here in Storybrooke and he helped her stay on her path. He made Emma happy, and he helped my family. I'm forever in his debt.'

Emma smiled sadly at her mother and she turned to Regina as she cleared her throat.

'I met him a long time ago,' Regina said quietly, 'he was family. I- he's like my sibling. A brother I'll never know more. We were both hurt by my mother. We both knew the struggles against darkness and how it felt to not to be pulled back again. That's made us such good friends- siblings. He brought me back my son, not just Emma. He didn't care just about Emma, he cared about her family. About all of us. He died to make sure Emma could set the world right, with Henry's help, and that's something I always remember when I look at my family. He didn't even have his memories yet he died.'

The tears started to fall and Emma took a deep breath and wiped them away.

'He should be my step father,' Henry started, looking at Emma, 'he should be here for Katrina and this family, yet he isn't. Mom, I know you blame yourself for his death but he doesn't. He wanted you to live, and he died to let you live. For us to save everyone for their happy ending. Killian was a very good man. He helped me come to terms with Neal- dads- death. He taught me sailing, even though he didn't have to. He's the reason that I'm not on Neverland anymore. He's family and I know he always will be, Mom.'

The tears fell rapidly and onto her jeans and she looked at the ring she wore on her left hand. It was a ship. The thing that was him.

'I will always love him,' Emma said, 'how can I not? After all he's done. I wish he was here, with every second- with every breath. But he's not. Perhaps the worst part is that I have a part of him in my- our daughter and she'll never truly understand her father.'

Emma could hear her heart break even more because she had just admitted her biggest fear with her daughter. That she'd never know her father like she should.

***OUAT***

 **Fifteen Years Later**

The ache in Emma's heart had not dulled in the sixteen years since her true love, Killian Jones had died but she had learned to live with the ache for her daughter. Killian's last gift to her. Katrina was a beautiful young woman who wasn't a girly girl and much preferred to play with plastic swords than dolls. She hated dresses as much as Emma and she was always getting into mischief with her friends, Colette, Matilda, Neal, Remora and Roland, but they were also family.

Her first word had been dada. When Emma heard it she saw that Katrina had been looking at a picture of Killian and herself, the one that Emma's mother had taken on their first date. It took Henry a few hours to get her out of her room. Katrina, when she was five had broken down when she didn't have a father to take with her to the father's day they had at the kindergarten she attended. When she was younger, she always asked questions about Killian. About who he was. And when she was going to see them.

The large and complicated family, started a tradition. On the day Killian had died, they would all meet at the Jolly Rodger, and they would celebrate him. Killian Jones. They would have drinks, memories to share and they always tried to make it a happy occasion.

'Katrina Mary Swan-Jones!' Emma yelled, walking into the kitchen. It looked like a bomb had gone off in the kitchen and Emma knew that her daughter had tried to cook and failed. Katrina hopped down the stairs and stopped when Emma turned to face her.

'Um- happy birthday?' Katrina asked.

'Clean it up, Katrina,' Emma said, rolling her eyes, 'you know the deal. You use it you clean it.'

'Mom!' Katrina said. 'This is going to take forever!'

'That's why I'm taking a bath,' Emma said, smirking at her.

'I'll do it then,' Katrina muttered and Emma smiled at her.

'It's the thought that counts.' Emma said and she walked to her room. She took off her work uniform and got into the bath.

It was her birthday and she always worked on her birthday to distract her from her thoughts. From her long and dead true love.

'What have I told you love? Not truly dead.' A voice that Emma hadn't heard for a long time. Emma swore and looked at Killian.

'What the hell, Killian?' Emma asked loudly.

'Too much of a surprise right?' Killian said, raising an eyebrow.

'Are you okay mom?' Katrina called out.

'Yeah, I'm fine, keep cleaning the kitchen,' Emma called out to her daughter.

'I can't believe she's all grown up,' Killian said, a sad smile on her face, 'ready for her next adventure in life- love.'

'Oh hell no,' Emma said, 'she's not falling in love yet.'

'I didn't say when,' Killian smiled, 'when she's older than me she can have a boyfriend.'

Emma laughed and reached her hand out for his. She found, like the last time, her hand went through his and it made her heart weigh heavier in her chest.

'Happy birthday Swan,' Killian said, 'and remember, I love you.'

'I love you too,' Emma said quietly and he vanished. She finished her bath and grabbed a towel and got dressed, ready for the dinner she was about to have with her large and overly complicated family. She walked down stairs and the kitchen was sparkling clean.

'Ta-da,' Katrina grinned, looking up from her book. It was Henry's old book, _Once Upon a Time_. She smiled at her and rolled her eyes.

'Magic?' Emma asked. 'Really?'

'I'm lazy, if there's a short cut, I'm gonna take it,' Katrina grinned.

'Come on, let's go over to your grandparents,' Emma laughed. Katrina put the book on the table and they both decided to walk to the house that they had bought after Katrina was born.

The dull ache in Emma's heart was still there but she was happy for the gift Killian gave her. For the daughter she had. She just wished he knew her.

***OUAT***

 **Author's Note: I love the feels you get when you start something! :) Please read, review, favourite and follow. This is only a one-shot but if I get requests to continue, I might (if there's enough!) Thanks for reading!**

 **Enjoy your day! :)**


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